He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
