My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
