dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize