I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
