Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
