The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
