Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
