Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
