I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
