Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
