i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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