Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
