Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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