OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
