So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
