She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
