census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Quick, to the slutcave!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
