I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
