Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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