Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
