Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
