WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
