i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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