dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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