I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
pray to the hookup gods
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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