This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I will be naked everywhere
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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