mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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