Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
