So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
