If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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