so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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