first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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