Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
