I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
