please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
