Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
