U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
