Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
