don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
