first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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