hell yes lets make some ravioli
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
