Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
