i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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