I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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