She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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