these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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