you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need to align my fucking chakras
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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