I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's shark week go big or go home
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
