Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
