no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
