We named our party play list daddy issues
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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