Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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