I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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