What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
