Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize