I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
