Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
