and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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