I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
