I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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