Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
