And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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