I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
