i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
