I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize