Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
