it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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