the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Its about making memories worth repressing
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
