His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
