After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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