btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize