i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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