She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
