Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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