there was a trapeze. enough said
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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