I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
