and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize