Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
