the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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