Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
