Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
