my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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