my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
