soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
