return my video game
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
