omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
